Tom, over at Lifehack.org, has a good post on simplifying your Christmas. I think it's worth reading for any holiday. I'm a big proponant of negotiation and simplification. And when I say simplification, I don't necassarily mean quiet or not participating. I mean doing what feels right for you. If you actually feel like cooking the entire big holiday meal and having the entire family over, then by all means do that. But make sure that's what everyone wants and don't be hurt if they're not into the whole thing. Same thing if you don't feel like participating in the same way as others. The key, I believe, is discussing these plans well in advance and sticking to them.
My brother can't get off work during Thanksgiving, so when I was single going to him and meeting my folks there was a great option. Now that we're both married and have kids it's expensive and troublesome. I told everyone well in advance that we're no longer travelling for that particular day. Now my brother's family comes to us in the spring and we have our own holiday and everyone is happy. Even I was surprised at how easy this transition happened.
I think this is why the 4th of July is my favorite holiday. There's little pressure. No one expects you to do anything. You can go to a big party or not. You can travel or not. It's different every year and no one makes a big deal about it. It's just fun. And no gifts!
