May 24, 2010

Sh*t My Dad Says

Holy crap this is funny.  My poor mother has just had incredibly painful back surgery and is facing months of more painful and tedious recovery.  I went to the bookstore to pick up Barbara Ehrenreich's new book Bright Sided: How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America because, well, she's definitely not feeling bright-sided about this turn of events.  Frankly, she thinks it sucks.

So I thought I'd get her something funny as well and this is just the ticket.  I grew up with a family of potty-mouths (well, not quite like this guy, but we had our fun) and we had a rip-roaring time at the dinner table tearing into each other and laughing our heads off.  It was fun and we all still get along.  It's weird, I know.  My friends in high school would come over sometimes, find me gone, and still stay to hang out with my parents.  That's how awesome they are.

Yes, Justin Halpern's dad says some colorful and hilarious and politically incorrect things that will make you pee your pants laughing.  Or it will at least make my mom pee her pants laughing and that's all I care about really.  But that's not all the book is about.  It's full of the love this guy has for his family and people in general.  The chapter, "Not Everyone's Balls Should Be Busted" is a perfect case in point.  The dad, Sam, gives up coaching his son's Little League team because the kids and parents are  just too spoiled for him.  But he continues to not only coach his son, but another boy who is a bit of a misfit.  During a game, another father loudly berates this poor kid, destroying any confidence he may have had.

Sam confronts this other parent and has it out with him.  Not in some violent tirade, just someone demanding a little human decency.  "The kid's dad's a drunk.  His family's a goddam mess, and you know that.  And you're sitting out there screaming at him, trying to rattle him like this is the goddam Major League so your kid can win a Little League game?  You're a grown man, goddam it.  What the hell is wrong with you?"

My dad would have done the same thing, no question.  Those guys are awesome.  Shaming that other dad was by far the best way to handle it.

This is obviously not for everyone, but it'll crack up my mom up and make her feel a bit better and there's not much more I could hope for.

Here's more on the book.  (I hear it's even going to be a sit-com with The Shatner).


Victoria said...

I hope your mom is on the mend. I would think back surgery sucks, too. My mom used to get upset when I would say, "Opera sucks." She would ask me to not use that word. So, when something sucks I just say it's opera.

You should talk to Michael about this subject some time. His dad was such a colorful fellow, linguistically. I remember him calling someone "A$$ eyes", and they knew that Rog loved them.
My aunt who lives in Alabama used to always swear like a sailor. I assume she still does.
I have a word I use for twisted ankles, getting hit by drivers, or forgetting things, but my oldest asked me to stop since I kept telling him to not use it. So, I am being rather "good" lately. Colorful language doesn't tend to bother me in others, as long as, they aren't trying to be vulgar.

Victoria said...

I forgot to tell you that Rachel read the book you gave us. Here is her review:

Michael Taylor said...

Bright-Sided is a great book. Sorry you mom had to confront that attitude first had.

I found the "Sh!t my Dad says" Facebook page a while ago and I've been laughing ever since. His wisdom goes hand in hand with the book you gave us, Horseradish.

Victoria is right. I think you and my dad would have gotten along well.

Jim Randolph said...

I've been trying to tone down w/a little one around as well. I like "Shoot a monkey!" and "Shut the door!" and "Freaking!" and "Frak!" Sometimes A. will do variations, like, "Frak a monkey!" which kills me every time.

I never made the connection to Horseradish and shitmydadsays, but you're right! Same world-weary attitude. Cool.

klonghall said...

I heard this author on a radio show last week. I could hardly drive because I was laughing so hard! Do you watch Modern Family? It's my new favorite comedy this year. Phil, the clueless dad who thinks he is always "in the know" with his kids & pop culture, thinks "WTF" in text language means "Why the face?" I heard someone actually use that one recently. Totally cracked me up.

Jim Randolph said...


Haven't seen that show, but your wtf reference reminds me of this guy: